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Socializing in a Hard Place

When faced with a difficult question or even worst several of them we can often choke, get an odd look on our face like the proverbial deer caught in the headlights and stumble through the answer. Watching the recent debates I have been a witness to such a seen as I am sure many of you have. Empathizing with them unfortunately could not help them get through their awkward situations. The debates caused me to reflect on how we react when we are asked difficult questions and what we can do to face them.

Many years ago while at a party the hostess introduced a book, “IF Questions for the Game of Life,” by Evelyn McFarlane and James Saywell, we all gathered around the coffee table wine in hand and passed the book to one another as we selected and answered  questions from the book. There was no real pressure to answer correctly or ask the right questions, the questions could be taken seriously or not, which of course was left up to the person answering. We laughed and just about cried as our emotions rode on waves of questions and answers shared.  I believe we were onto something that night. Hard questions are not designed to get you instead they are simply designed for others to get to know you.

So how do we answer hard questions, the ones that intimidate us, the ones that we are not quite sure we have the correct answer to, what we discovered that night was the social advantages to questions and answers. Because there were many of us the answers were from the left and the right in other words different perspectives we examined the questions from both angles and answered candidly with honestly.

There were lesson’s learned that night of Q&A, as we got to know each other. It was a wonderful night. I witnessed the advantage of many people answering the same question and the benefit of multiple approaches.

We took advantage of our thought processes and could not be satisfied with the first answer. The game would not allow it.We all had to participate. It was not an example of uncertainty but instead an open approach to thought processes to answering hard questions. Some questions were difficult, and the answers were not easy to determine. 

Answering hard questions require different approaches. I noticed another useful tool we utilized; our feelings, and intuition. Our built in sixth sense, exposed trick questions. Sometimes we encounter questions that at first seem to be hard when in reality it is not an intelligent question, it actually has little or no relevance. Instead it is purposely designed to stump you and make you spin, the best response to those type of questions are to dump them with no guilt or regrets.

Although we did this as a group, one can utilize these steps individually. First, respect the person asking and the question itself, this means understanding the question and listening intently as the questions is posed. Second, allow yourself to move to the center giving you a different perspective of the question and your possible answer, third, use your sixth sense.
Lastly if you find yourself spinning stop reexamine and try again. Remember most social questions are designed to get to know you, and stimulate dialogue so don’t sweat it instead have fun as you get to know each other.